On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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