sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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