He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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