Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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