I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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