I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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