If that was your dad, he is hot
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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