I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
