So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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