Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
