im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
