what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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