Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
