hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
