they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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