Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
