i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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