A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
