Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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