FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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