I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
