im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
