Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
