So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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