my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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