In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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