At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
