Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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