so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You took a bar mat shot.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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