:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
