How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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