Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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