dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
