I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
