I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
