he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So squirting runs in the family.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
