i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
