I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
