We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
