I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
