Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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