I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
