I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
