It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
