For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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