let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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