I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
