Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
