perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
