i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
