This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
