Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
