similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
