Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
